my life was so like hell dis past few week…but guess wat im still survive

dear…
m sory if i hurt u alot wit my word & action..
m sory for being such a selfish..
m sory for not being a good girl..
m sory for ignoring u wen u needed me so bad..
m sory for not being sory of loving u..
m sory coz always make u feel so unhappy..
m sory for always being stuborn & not listen 2 u..
m sory for always push u to do thing dat u don’t wanna do..
m sory for everything…
m so so so sory..
PLEASE FORGIVE ME!! coz m truly sory..

from now onward everyday is not a good day for me.. im sick & tired of trying 2 make thing write but no1 appreciate it, trying 2 fullfill & sacrifice everything for ur own good but had u ever notice it.. i lost everything dat u guys can imagine.. my life, my courage, my dignity, my pride, my ego.. all dat for wat?? my happiness will come if i get wat i want back…dats all i need..peace

2day is our anniversary…
1o thing i love bout my teddy..

1. He d only person dat can make me smile & laugh at d same
time..n even make me cry wit no reason why
2. He is so adorable, caring, sweet & romantic kind of
person and plus in certain time he is so cute
3. He accept me for who i am without any ques askd. I b me
wen im wit him.
4. I love his smile & every time he trying to make me laugh.
5. He always b der for me & he’s d only person dat i can
depend on.. Mnegada2 me kan
6. Love his gedik2 n mengada2 perangai..
7. he changed me alot in term of make me see d world with
diffrent perspective & always give me SEMANGAT..with
him im lost..
8. Love arguing with him..
9. he love to make sound & make fool of his self.. Love wen
he do dat..
10.Last but not least i love him for whoever he is..Love
everything bout him.. Love to be his GF..im BLESSED..
thanx GOD..

dis 17 February genaplah 1 years me & my teddy being 2gether. for the past 1 year ni i tink im d happiest person in this world…BAHAGIA sangat!! bahagia sangat pun xboley sebenarnye kan nanti ennd up sume yang diharapkan ruin cam2 je kan kan kan… Yesterday i acompany zaim playing futsal at NSTP, bangsar.. playing wit mr.gendut cum ainie bf team…:P kekalahan yang melampau2 kot..haishhhh cian teddy around 12 pluss kami bergerak pulang.. we plan 2 watch the curious of benjamin pe ntah tapi cam lambat coz teddy have to go back early coz nak basuh baju sumer bagai.. paper pun have 2 go back coz nak antar ajay balik umah den go back my place 2 take a few thing & wen to his place coz he want 2 take a bath den we go 2 cineleisure.. memandangkan me & tedy might no see each other this week 2 celeb our anniversary 2morow so i decide to give the gift that i made for him which is a photo album dat full wit our pix.. precious tyme 2gether.. & oso as for all my hardwork working & collect $ i manage to blanja him eat at the BEACH at cineleisure..the food was awesome..yelah kan mesti lah sedap dah namer pun tempat 2 mahal…but i don’t care as long as dat i can spent tyme 2 gether wit him…

me taking the next step…. ” had enuff of pain in her life” <— from ainie facebook… babe, it make d two of us.. i had enuff!! i wish dat i can be strong..strong to live & move on with my life.. or let the time decide wat r d best for me.. i askd him alots of ques yesterday.. “what if teddy caught ki cheating on teddy,how teddy feels???” and he said ” ofcourse teddy will pissed & sad”.. next ques ” what if teddy caught ki been flirting wit some other guys & we have an affair quite sometime..he said ” the answr are still d same wit d previous ques “.. soalan ni sajer2 je nak nanyer..gatal kan  nak nanyer soalan2 yang cam2..i hope dat he understand wat dat im trying to do or say.. dat nyte i open the facebook..almost 3 4 days i not on9.. i send a message to “her” sajer je nak kawan2 cam2.. & a few min den she on9 den i txt ” her”.. say hi & watsoever.. just 2 be friendly..

den she askd me” how u n him?? dah oke dah?? ” i was like huh??? pelik…

den i reply ” yeah, we okey ” how bout u??..

n she said ” me??,wat abaout me?? “

i reply back ” sajer je nak tau “

ders a lots actually just dat i don’t feel dat its ryte 2 wrote it in here. she clearly said dat she has nuthing to do wit him.no feeling at all juz to flirting around coz she has already has a bf.. etc…im pissed & so sad.. my heart is broken & no one understand how i feel.. but its okey i try 2 b strong.. watever u try 2 do it don’t work for me.. mayb it is true time will decide.. but hopefully is a good thing..miracle happen & save our relationship….. p/s: i love u more….

thankx for make me happy dear..

thankx for everything dat u had done for me..

sory for not being a good girlfriend to u…

sory for everything dat i done or say dat might hurt ur feeling..

but i tink forsure im not sory of being in love with u..

Ya Allah, please give me kekuatan utk menjalani hidupku ini.. Berikan lah aku kebahagian dunia akhirat.. Bukakan lah pintu hatinya.. semoga dia sedar bahawa hambamu ini ikhlas menerimanya seadanye.. Ya Allah, aku memohan petunjuk darimu.. amin!!

p/s : i love u becoz of u.. God give me d best bf ever & im blessed.. ” bersayang & berkasih ku kerana ALLAH bukan kerana nafsu,dear “

beshnyerrr…..dapat shisha.it been a while x g shisha sume..nyamaaaaaaannnn lagi2 g wit org kesygan..thanx tdy u make my day.. btw, thanx 2 ainie & his bf(wat did u calld him babe,ur gendut is it??) eheh… i rily having a great tyme.. bosan asik cuti jer duk umah dpaat gak kuar akhirnye…
Makan ckitnyer banyak tadi.. we ate briani chic. SEDAP!!! but d shisha is not dat gewd laa..xraser pun grape dia.. biler nak g hangout lagi ni?? xsabarnyeeeeeee……muahxxxx xoxo

i don’t knoe wat wrong wit me   everytime i try to make thing better im sure der wil b somthing dat gonna ruin it.. am i trying so hard dear.. i juz can’t understand wat did i do wrong?? i try 2 b strong for u & me.. i just cud’t stand wen u “bersayang2 & dear2″ 2 some1 else..i just cant, even if u said dat ” only frenz” ” nuthing going on between u n her”.. who am i 2 u den??? let me ask u dis simple ques.wat wud u feel if  i bersayang2 wit some other guy???.. i do believe u..seriously i do it just make me feel sad.. i jus 1 2 b d only sayang & dear 2 you..is dat hard??   i always said 2 me myself n i dat u always love me..u love me so so much..i noe you  do!! n i love you 2..

i never want anything from u.. i never wish dat u gonna pampered me wit stuff & watsoever..i just do care.. i just want you.. i don’t need anything from you except for ur love.. if one day im gone i do want u 2 noe dat i  always try 2 b perfect gf for u.. make u happy & i dont care how much it will cost me as long as i can b wit u.. Only GOD noe!!

p/s:mama if u read dis: im okey.. just don’t asked me wat happen & so so on… it just me!! mengada2..

happy happy happy sangat…we hv lunch 2getha tadi at RAJAWALI… gediik kan..bukan aper sangat pun tapi for me its miracle kot. i just asked him sekali je n suddenly he said “hmmm..boley gak” .. ske ske ske…takut jugak at d same time..why kan takut?? not sure..

I don’t wish 2 b everything to everyone…but i would love to be something to YOU..Loving you is like breathing…how can i STOP?? love u much..xoxo

love???…what can u tell me bout love?? how to fall in love perhaps?? or how to be in love??.. im always gonna hv d feeling which i always in love wit u..every second..minute..hour…day. Every time im not with u i feel like im not perfect..im losing something which is very important..more important den my phne . bt wen im wit u my heart wil dup dap dup dap laju sangat2.. i still wondering why?? almost a year we been 2gether kan! !

im passion..emotional..sensitive.. etc.. i never not at once forget bout u (only wen im concentrating in lect hall sometime i do..heh).. i never ignore your called or sms.. i never stop thinking about u.. i think im sick.. i need 2 c d doc fast